I’ve been a bit quiet because I’ve had a few health struggles and, as my friends know, when I struggle I go into my cocoon and just wait to get better. Usually I do get better and off I go again, but this time I didn’t, and I only realised this when I was 4 hours away from my tribe in the North, and 13 hours away from my tribe in the South. That was a scary realisation. I can’t remember feeling that vulnerable before, and just for a moment I popped out of my “I’m bullet-proof” narrative and saw my drifting adventure from the outside in. No rainbows and no butterflies in sight. Very scary.
I’d decided to head for the Augrabies Falls, on my way back to Cape Town, because they are apparently magnificent after the rains (and with the over-full Vaal Dam fiasco), and I do love waterfalls. I was super excited. I had plans to make waterfall meditation videos… and I was going to soak in (literally) the energy of the chaotic water… and I’d found some amazing places to stay alongside the Orange River nearby the Falls… and I had a whole Kuruman adventure planned along the way, because of a dream-vision I’d had involving dancing plasticine men (hopefully I get to tell you that story one day soon). It was destined to be epic fun! I wasn’t living in the moment at all – I was already there. And excited! And yet, it was obviously not meant to be.
The Universe knew what was coming and, as always, was firmly on my side, trying her best to prevent me from heading off, but I clearly wasn’t paying enough attention and treating the signs seriously enough. When Zukes refused to start, at the garage after filling her up, that should have been sign enough. I hadn’t even made it 1km on my journey at that point. I’d packed everything up; I had coffee and padkos; I’d even booked a place to stay for the night (never a good idea as we know). But there we were, stuck at the local garage on a Sunday, when most battery businesses are closed. The petrol attendants were great. Very enthusiastic and willing to help. But after a lot of pushing my car back and forth, trying to jump start her, we all gave up and it was back to my Jozi home for the night. I was so stressed I barely slept, knowing that Zukes (and everything I need for my drifting) was sitting unprotected out in the open, but there was nothing to be done about it. My relief the next morning was huge when I saw that everything was as I’d left it. No damage. And the battery replacement went smoothly at a low cost. I didn’t have to do anything in the end because my friend took charge and sorted it all out for me. So I was feeling good, paying for a new battery but not paying any attention to the signs, and jumped into my car and headed off again.
The drive down was easy and I arrived on time. I’d booked into a tin tent for the night so there was no pitching camp to be done. Just settling in and enjoying the sunset. Getting ready for my evening in front of a fire, under the stars. And that’s when I started to feel really weird. Dizzy and faint and my heart was beating so fast! It was the second time in ten days that I’d experienced this. It was more frightening this time though because I was alone in the middle of nowhere. Fortunately I’d booked into a BnB where the owners were extremely helpful and caring, and Patrick rushed off to get his partner’s BP monitor to check my blood pressure. It was 163/101 which I was told is normal. It’s not. But what did I know. I’m a bit worried about Patrick’s partner, now that I have different, apparently more accurate information about normal blood pressure readings. I did feel reassured (ignorance in this case was bliss) but I still felt terrible. After lying still for about an hour, believing I was dying, and quietly thanking the Universe for my Earth journey and all the lessons I’d been brought, I began to feel better. Surrendering to imminent death seemed to turn my health ship around a bit. I’m a drama queen I know… but did I share with you that it was seriously scary?
I survived the night by playing chess on my phone. It was weird because I’d disappear into the game and be happy, then I’d pop back into reality after each game and realise where I was and that I was vulnerable, and I’d get a huge fright. Then I’d play another game and then get a re-fright again. Eventually I stopped that cycle of abuse and went to sleep. All the while, there were big and small spiders everywhere in the tin tent, but if they had an agenda to scare me they failed miserably. What’s a little spider bite when your heart is failing? Potentially. Drama queen. I know.
I made the decision to turn around and head back to Jozi in the morning. It was such a hard decision to make, but I’d asked my friend if I could please come back and stay at her place until this health issue of mine is sorted out, and she didn’t hesitate for a second to say “Of course you can”. I was unhappy driving back and I cried a lot of tears for the first hour of my journey. I was disappointed and mourning the loss of my great adventure, but then I remembered the positives and the lessons and started to notice the beautiful wide open spaces, grass as far as the eye could see, the birds of prey perched on the powerline poles, the strange looking cattle… and the smoothly tarred roads. I had egg mayo sarmis and coffee. Life felt ok again. And then for some reason I decided to torture myself by playing a Lady Antebellum CD, which you cannot really do, I realised, and keep a straight face. If I’m a queen they are the whole kingdom of country and western drama! And different. These cowboy hillbillies are different. No judgement. Each to their own, but when a song starts with “Slow down sister…” and the lyrics that follow are “…I just can’t fall in love with you” then you know they have a complicated family dynamic. I felt for the guy, with this problem so huge he had to write a song about it. Was it because she was in love with their other brother, or was he in love with their other sister? It must be tough living in a teeny country town. It made me glad I’d left Delareyville in a hurry, in the end.
I started to feel quite proud of myself as I drove, for making the choice to take care of myself. It might seem obvious to you guys who do it so effortlessly, but for me it’s hard, and so it was a big step to choose to go back. And this is why I believe I’m still very much on my people adventure path because, if I’d continued on, it would have just been a nature drifting adventure, but through these obstacles that are firmly in my path right now, I’m learning so much about myself and how I relate to others. I’m watching closely for the signs from the Universe though…
