I woke up on Sunday to a lot of activity, and someone testing a loudspeaker, which was my cue to get the hell out of dodge for the day. I remembered that the Mac Mac Forest Retreat is actually a Christian retreat and realised that they were probably gearing up for a bit of a happy clappy day, right next to the campsite. Noise. I wasn’t keen. Also, I have a complicated relationship with the collective of Christians, because many are homophobic but many are not, many are racist and many are not, many are deeply spiritual, beautiful souls and many are not. The same could be said of many gay people too, I suppose. From my chats and interactions with the camp managers and staff I have the impression that these Christians have good hearts and intentions and do a lot to spread love and not division. I hope so.
I was a bit nervous though that I may overhear something about praying the gay away and, if I did, I knew I’d have to leave this beautiful spot immediately. Not as an answer to the prayer but just because it would taint my happy feelings about Mac Mac Forest, and I had grown attached to those feelings. I think I’ve healed a lot of my historical wounding from the Apartheid days when it was illegal to be gay, and all the days before and since where society has branded us with all sorts of confusingly horrible qualities. There was (and still is) a lot of hatred in that space, but we formed a collective and called ourselves “Family”, and we’ve stuck together through it all. I’m proud of our resistance and the changes that our Family, with the help of our Friends, have brought about, and the resilience we still show in the face of a very ignorant world. I’m proud!
We all represent various collectives to the world though, while also being our own unique individuals. For me it’s important to try to present the best version of each of my collective selves: as a white person, a woman, a gay person, or sometimes as a middle class person, or even as a childless cat lady, for instance. As a kind of ambassador. To break down assumptions and offer an alternative view of that preconceived notion of whatever the other person is negatively focussed on. I don’t always succeed, sometimes I fail spectacularly, and it’s when I feel I may drop my collective’s ball that I exit stage left as quickly as possible. And because I’m a bit fatigued by the loud fundamentalist voices currently, I didn’t want to take a chance, so I left for the day to have a religio-neutral adventure. Well, that was the plan, but the Universe wanted to give me a big hug, so I got a few unexpected sweet gifts.
My first stop was Berlin Falls. I was standing enjoying the view of the falls when a Muslim family arrived. We greeted in the simple western way, where we don’t pretend to care how the other person is doing, but it felt warm and genuine nevertheless. Lots of smiles and eye contact. I moved to one side so that they could also enjoy the falls view, and I found myself watching how they interacted as a family. The mom was so protective of her children and, when they climbed onto the railing, she gently guided them off. No panic. No shouting. And she put her arm around her little daughter and drew her close in such a loving way, saying with actions not words: “I love you. I want you to be safe. I will protect you.” Well, that’s the story I made up in my head. I like that story. That story made me feel warm and fuzzy. And she was acutely aware of my energy, because when I quietly laughed to myself at the cute things her kids were saying to her, she quietly laughed at me laughing and enjoying her interaction with her family. It was such a positive and meaningful encounter, and just the kind of people adventure I need on my drift right now. We said goodbye and all wished each other a great day of sight seeing, but it wasn’t goodbye because wherever we went, we bumped into each other, throughout the day.
It was a misty day and so I drove passed a lot of the lookout points without stopping. At one point I could barely see a thing and considered turning back, but I decided to keep going and just see what the Universe and the day had in store for me. No expectations. Just a curiosity. I made my way to Bourkes Luck Potholes where I had to pay a R75 entrance fee. I found that very amusing… paying to see potholes when our entire road system is one big pothole. But of course these are pretty spectacular. There were crowds of people though so it was difficult to have any kind of deeply meaningful nature experience. Usually I try to engage my senses of sight, touch and smell, if I can, to have a more holistic experience, but I gave up on smell early in the day, because every experience ended up just smelling like an Edgars Beauty store. Not unpleasant… but not useful in the context. I did have a weird sensation while standing on one bridge, where I felt something tug at my hair so hard that it hurt. When I looked around I was alone on the bridge, so who knows what that was.
When I got to the Three Rondawels there were so many people, bus loads of tourists, that I considered leaving immediately, but I decided since I’d already paid, I’d step into the scary tons of people space. I’m so glad I did. I’ve been learning French for a long time but I feel that I’m not making much progress (or so I thought) so I’ve recently stopped my daily Duolingo lessons. When I found myself in the middle of a large group of French speaking tourists, with their guide giving them instructions in French, I was so surprised to realise that I understood perfectly what she was saying. So I started listening to the conversations the tourists were having and I understood a lot of it. I watched a father surprising his toddler son with a little bug that he was holding in his hand. “Look. Look. My present for you” the Dad said in French, and they both giggled at this so much. It was so cute, I was grateful for all those French lessons that allowed me to enjoy sharing that moment, and I decided to carry on learning.
The view of the Three Rondawels is absolutely breathtaking, and I was trying very unsuccessfully to take a selfie, when a Dutch couple offered to take my pic. The pic the woman took is so spectacular that the Mac Mac Forest Retreat marketing person asked me if they can use it in their promotional ads. It’s a trick to take a photo as if there are not a gazillion other people around. You would think I was meditating alone on the edge of the cliff. Good job Dutch lady, whose name I never got! I took a pic of them as well which I hope was a good one. They had also thought of not going out because of the misty weather, but had also decided to be zen and just see what the day brought, which turned out to be a great decision, because the sun was shining brightly by the time we all converged at the Rondawels lookout point.
It’s ironic that I’d started my day running away from people and noise and ended up having an entire day saturated with people and noise, but loving every minute of it. And my timing was perfect in the end because as I arrived back at my tent home, the preacher was leaving in his truck, along with his loudspeaker. And I got to stay on for a few more days.